Comparison is Necessary: Spiritual Hoarding
I have never been a proponent of comparing yourself to others. It sucks. And I usually end up doing it in such a way that I feel bad about myself in the end. That, my friends, is not good for you. Even if you do it and end up ahead of everyone else because you think you're better...well...you likely dont have many friends.
That was my opinion 100% until I started thinking about how often we compare ourselves to others in good ways. In fact, your faith absolutely requires comparison.
In the early church, people started popping up all over with false versions of the gospel. They tried to Judaize it, paganize it, asceticize it and transubstantiationize it. They did it so much that the early apostles had to constantly write letters to the churches to correct their wrong thinking. (see the Epistles) It is only through constantly comparing your faith to others that you can keep your whacko ideas in check. Its only through rubbing against the lives of others that we stay on the right track. The second we start protecting a thought or activity from the eyes of others is the moment we start to go whacko.
Let's look at a real life example: Hoarders. If you follow my facebook much, you have noticed that I like watching Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried alive. It's fascinating. Last night while I was watching it I was disturbed by what I finaly saw as a common theme amongst all hoarders. They all had different reasons for starting the hoard: death, sickness, loss of jobs, divorce...But they all had one thing in common to keep it going: Secrecy. These people hadnt had others into their homes for years and years. They were allowed to continue and develop their dysfunctional behavior because they kept it hidden.
And when people visit their Hoards and the hoarder sees the shock and terror on the visitors face...It sinks in...Can you see it?! Their face falls, they start crying, and say something like, "I dont know how it got this bad" and "I just looked up one day and realized I was out of control!"
They have shined light on their dysfunction. Wow. Freaking awesome!!
My favorite part of the show is what happens next. The visitor sometimes cries, sometimes yells, a couple times they've thrown up...But almost always, they come to the hoarder, lay a hand on their back and say, "we're going to get through this."
Ahhh...Man...Thats grace and love! Who among us doesnt need to hear that about some part of our dysfunctional heart? Who among us doesn't have a secret room in which we hide our darkest stuff? Who wouldnt be terrified to let the general public into our heads and hearts?
That was an emotional side track...let's get back to the point.
I think there are a couple of things going on here that deserve our attention. The first is what solicits the change in the hoarder? Sometimes it comes before the visitor comes, because the cops are going to take the children or someone's gotten hurt on the hoard.
But more often than that its the result of someone seeing the hoard and showing great concern.
Why does this work? Why does showing someone your hoard bring about the desire to change? I think its what happens in between opening the door and getting that hug of solidarity. I think its the shock. Its in the act of looking at someone who is looking at your life and choices from the perspective of someone who has not had time to get used to the idea. That visitor hasnt made all of your validations, all of your accomodations, all of your tiny excuses day after day. They just see the mess. They just see you accepting your mess. Essentially, they are seeing your crap from the perspective of you before the first trash bag. That "you" would never have comprehended that it could be as bad as it now is. And you look into their face and see that they know, and you know, and everyone knows that what you've done is extraordinarily unacceptable.
In short, the act of comparison sets us free.
So what do we learn? I think a couple of things.
1. Keep your spiritual house open for people. I don't think we should let everyone who passes by into every part of our spiritual house. There are some things that not everyone needs to know about. Sometimes its because that person is too weak to understand, or it will more negatively impact them than positively impact you. Sometimes it's to protect other people. But have a network of people from all walks of life that you can share everything with honestly.
2. You gotta show your hoard to non-hoarders. Showing another hoarder your hoard is not what we're talking about in number one. It's highly likely that if you have dysfunctions, you're only going to want to show those to people who make you feel safe. And you're probably only going to feel safe with people that you think wont judge you. And who is less likely to judge you than people who do the same crap? BUT there are people out there, the show proves it, who will see your shame and feel compassion without allowing you to justify continuing it any longer. THOSE are the people you need to invite over.
If you need more substantial proof that I'm right, try this:
James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
That was my opinion 100% until I started thinking about how often we compare ourselves to others in good ways. In fact, your faith absolutely requires comparison.
In the early church, people started popping up all over with false versions of the gospel. They tried to Judaize it, paganize it, asceticize it and transubstantiationize it. They did it so much that the early apostles had to constantly write letters to the churches to correct their wrong thinking. (see the Epistles) It is only through constantly comparing your faith to others that you can keep your whacko ideas in check. Its only through rubbing against the lives of others that we stay on the right track. The second we start protecting a thought or activity from the eyes of others is the moment we start to go whacko.
Let's look at a real life example: Hoarders. If you follow my facebook much, you have noticed that I like watching Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried alive. It's fascinating. Last night while I was watching it I was disturbed by what I finaly saw as a common theme amongst all hoarders. They all had different reasons for starting the hoard: death, sickness, loss of jobs, divorce...But they all had one thing in common to keep it going: Secrecy. These people hadnt had others into their homes for years and years. They were allowed to continue and develop their dysfunctional behavior because they kept it hidden.
And when people visit their Hoards and the hoarder sees the shock and terror on the visitors face...It sinks in...Can you see it?! Their face falls, they start crying, and say something like, "I dont know how it got this bad" and "I just looked up one day and realized I was out of control!"
They have shined light on their dysfunction. Wow. Freaking awesome!!
My favorite part of the show is what happens next. The visitor sometimes cries, sometimes yells, a couple times they've thrown up...But almost always, they come to the hoarder, lay a hand on their back and say, "we're going to get through this."
Ahhh...Man...Thats grace and love! Who among us doesnt need to hear that about some part of our dysfunctional heart? Who among us doesn't have a secret room in which we hide our darkest stuff? Who wouldnt be terrified to let the general public into our heads and hearts?
That was an emotional side track...let's get back to the point.
I think there are a couple of things going on here that deserve our attention. The first is what solicits the change in the hoarder? Sometimes it comes before the visitor comes, because the cops are going to take the children or someone's gotten hurt on the hoard.
But more often than that its the result of someone seeing the hoard and showing great concern.
Why does this work? Why does showing someone your hoard bring about the desire to change? I think its what happens in between opening the door and getting that hug of solidarity. I think its the shock. Its in the act of looking at someone who is looking at your life and choices from the perspective of someone who has not had time to get used to the idea. That visitor hasnt made all of your validations, all of your accomodations, all of your tiny excuses day after day. They just see the mess. They just see you accepting your mess. Essentially, they are seeing your crap from the perspective of you before the first trash bag. That "you" would never have comprehended that it could be as bad as it now is. And you look into their face and see that they know, and you know, and everyone knows that what you've done is extraordinarily unacceptable.
In short, the act of comparison sets us free.
So what do we learn? I think a couple of things.
1. Keep your spiritual house open for people. I don't think we should let everyone who passes by into every part of our spiritual house. There are some things that not everyone needs to know about. Sometimes its because that person is too weak to understand, or it will more negatively impact them than positively impact you. Sometimes it's to protect other people. But have a network of people from all walks of life that you can share everything with honestly.
2. You gotta show your hoard to non-hoarders. Showing another hoarder your hoard is not what we're talking about in number one. It's highly likely that if you have dysfunctions, you're only going to want to show those to people who make you feel safe. And you're probably only going to feel safe with people that you think wont judge you. And who is less likely to judge you than people who do the same crap? BUT there are people out there, the show proves it, who will see your shame and feel compassion without allowing you to justify continuing it any longer. THOSE are the people you need to invite over.
If you need more substantial proof that I'm right, try this:
James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
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