Procrastination

For as long as I can remember I have been a procrastinator. Even now im procrastinating going to bed. I tend to put things off for as long as circumstances allow.

On the one hand this has actually turned into a nice thing for me. I've learned how to do a great deal of work in a short time...how to read fast...how to bs my way through things ...how to push myself beyond all perceived limits to complete something challenging that should have been slowly prepared for.

That's also me making the best out if a terrible thing. Because for all of that lovely benefit...procrastination has robbed me of a great deal.

Because really, anything worth having takes time to develop.

I've found that there are a lot of things in my life that I've learned to deal with...unnecessary burdens that I've grown used to carrying because I've put off dealing with then.

From lifechanging books I should have read long ago to diving deep into my heart to take hard looks at broken places that continue to spread through my life and affect my every moment and every person I come in contact with.

In 2011 I made a conscious effort to focus on some long standing obstacles I had procrastinated on for most if my life. I made long awaited changes to my diet and lifestyle...to my finances and career...and for a while I did really well.

Unfortunately much of what I was changing were symptoms of things much different. 

So two things started happening. 1. The issues that I had long been medicating via the channels I had changed started causing problems in areas that up to that point had been unscathed. And 2. The moment those issues got a little too rubbed up against the good habits I worked hard to build flew out the window.

What I have found now is the combination of 1 and 2 has me left with the problems I had pre-changes and newer post-change problems as well.

And thus more and more things to procrastinate.

How bout a little example...let's say prechange I had trouble eating too many oreos.

So I change it. And stop eating oreos.

Well now I need to keep myself busy so I start playing games on my phone more.

The real problem wasn't the oreos. It was the boredom.

So eventually something happens where I breakdown and eat the oreos...welcome back addiction! Let me introduce you to my new addiction: games on my phone!!

Now I have two problems! Instead of just the one.

So the life lesson? Sorry, its not about cookies.  The lesson is ...bad habits come and go...work on them or not, it doesn't much matter. The thing we are really putting off is the hub inside of all these bad habit spokes. Learn fast to not procrastinate dealing with what's deep inside.  Because healing that is what will really spell freedom in the end...and the longer you put THAT off the more damage it can do...to you...to your habits and to the people you share life with.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Yes. Yes. Yes. That's why I hated losing weight - people kept asking the "secret". It's not appropriate to say "I'm realizing how fucked up I am and I'm not running away from it... that's my secret. Still want to know?"
Since I used a bad word - I will keep my identity hidden.
Could I borrow your Jennifer Knap cassette? :)
11:19 AM
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