The Woman Vs The World
My friend Sarah made me listen to her churches series on Identity. They did three weeks on Biblical Masculinity and 3 weeks on Biblical Femininity. I listened to the the first two weeks on Biblical Femininity.
I've avoided thinking about this topic a lot in my life. Mostly because I don't like the word feminine. It makes me think of tampons and freshness. At one point society had turned femininity it into pink, ponies, and periods. Of course I, along with many women, found that annoying. Pink colors, and flowers and sundresses have admittedly never been my thing. But was society so wrong in doing that? I don't think so. What happened after though...when women got belligerent about pink and started getting rowdy...when they burned things and started showing their muscle...Was there something terribly ungodly about that? Something in me has always thought, yes.
Since I was little my opinions on women have changed a lot. As a young girl with my Free to Be You and Me record I was taught every time I put the needle down that women and men were the same and can do whatever they want and wear whatever they want. That we shouldn't force people into roles because of their gender and we shouldn't force them into outfits because of it either. When I got to college, I had a profound shift. I then started thinking of women in the most "biblical" sense that I could. They were to be submissive, not leaders, not the head of the church, and not the head of men. Shortly after college, my opinion became more extreme. Not only should women not be leaders in church, but they probably shouldn't be leaders ANYWHERE. They're just too dang emotional!! (let's all keep a grip on the fact that its a woman thinking these things)
I was thinking and feeling the opposite of what it was cool to think. All around us women were being given places of respect and power next to men and being touted as equals. The Same. But the societal definition of femininity was not keeping up. Still in society femininity is regarded as it was in the 50s. Feminine means sheepish, dainty, frilly and weak. We unabashedly call men feminine when they hold these qualities. But true to its form society is getting it wrong still. And Josh Culvers sermon uncovered to me just how wrong I can be as a result of living here.
What does it mean to be a woman? What did God design a woman to be? I'll admit it was weird to hear a man talking about it. I've long judged guys, I'll admit that too. I've not had a large amount of close guy friends in my life and certainly even less actual long lasting relationships. For centuries (yes I exaggerate) I blamed this on them. Because they were superficial, judgemental, mean, whatever I was calling it. I allowed this opinion to form in me so deeply that at one point I decided to convince myself that I didn't need them at all...I didn't want to get married and I certainly didn't want kids...yuck, stinky little booger eaters. I held on to that for a long time. I would quote Paul, "Its better for a man to remain single as I am, but if he HAS to get married..." I would public ally state that only weak people would get married and that I was stronger and better able to focus on God. (this was crap too, I've never been able to really focus on God) All of these beliefs, though I'm letting go of them slowly, got rubbed real good when Pastor Josh said, "Women were created to be wives and mothers."
He apologized profusely if it sounded harsh or intolerant of singleness. Everyone IS called to something different in our fallen world, but he was just reiterating what the Bible said. (oh, sorry, did you wanna hear it? Try here.)
I was surprised at my own reaction to hearing this. If you know me at all you know how completely annoyed I get when Pastors focus too much on marriage. When their illustrations all come from marriage or when the sermon wraps up on points just meant for husbands and wives, I get TICKED!!! But I did not get ticked. I purposefully listened with an open heart to this message because I wanted to give a genuine reaction to Sarah when I was done...and the message rang through loud and clear...I almost audibly heard walls tumbling down in response to his message.
Which walls? Walls that I've looked at before. Walls like the ones I saw when I read "Do You Think I'm Beautiful," walls that I see when I watch, "What Not To Wear" too many times, walls that form when I see pictures of friends on facebook leading their "amazing lives." Walls that were made by the conflicting societal definitions of women and femininity. Women can do whatever they want. Women can be whomever they want. BUT Femininity is weakness. Femininity is dainty. Femininity is shrieking at bugs. So by societies laws I had to accept that I was a woman, but I wasn't feminine. And this was completely possible and acceptable. Those beliefs built walls around my true womanliness and true femininity. The kinds that God talks about. The kinds I've never let myself feel or be because of society. The ones that come out in wives and mothers. The caring, the supporting, the loving, the nurturing, the being cherished, the being beautiful, the raising children, being the crown on a man's head.
If I truly wanted to be these things, if I really wanted to be a wife and mother, then my independence gets messed with and people will think I am living a life I am not happy with. People will think that I am sad. That I am incomplete. People will think that no one wants me. People will think I am desperate. People will think I am lonely. ...
Or should it be... People will know I am sad. People will know I am incomplete. People will know no one wants me. People will know I am desperate. People will know I am lonely.
Even as I type it, I want to backspace. Because I want you to know I am happy. I want you to know that I am good at what I do, and that I enjoy my life and the people in it and the wonderful adventures I get to go on. I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy my friends. I enjoy sleeping on the whole bed, I enjoy changing the temperature and not worrying about others. I really do. And seasonally speaking, I know there will be a time when I look back and wish it was just me and the dog again. But if I led you to believe that was the only feeling I had about it, I would be lying. Pastor Josh has allowed me to say that, womanly-speaking, not being a wife and a mother leaves me with a hole.
And beyond that, now I'm left with wondering what else society has left me with. What other silly notions do I hold about myself because of the false beliefs of a lost and confused people? This past year has been a great journey through the wrinkles of my brain; how I percieve myself, how I present that self, how others percieve me. I've had a lot of great conversations with lots of you about it. There was my commitment to ugly: Lets be as ugly as possible so that people believed I didnt care. Because better to not care and people see potential than to try and confirm that you're truly ugly. (these are self deceptions people, you dont have to lecture). There was also my commitment to singleness: getting grossed out at people's wedding pics, not attending weddings, not making eye contact with guys. If I play it up loud enough, then being single is a choice, not a curse. And then my commitment to aloneness: I can do all things. (there is no "through Christ who strengthens me" its just me) I can change my oil, I can check my tire pressure, I can camp alone, cook alone, manage my finances, raise a dog, and be perfectly happy. PERFECTLY happy.
All of these things are not only self deceptions, but deceptions of my woman-ness. They are denying all of the things God created me to be. And so life ended up feeling more like an act or lie and less feeling accepted and loved for who I am. I do believe that God created all of us as individuals and we all have a different path in life. Different things make us happy. Different things fulfill us. And because of the fall some of us might never find fulfillment on Earth. But, in admitting my created-most desires, I can confidently say that its not a self-deception that will keep me from that happiness. And for the next chunk of life, I'm going to look at my actions, responses and thoughts and ask myself, "Is this out of my God-created self, or my warped by society self-deceptions?" I would encourage you to do the same.
I've avoided thinking about this topic a lot in my life. Mostly because I don't like the word feminine. It makes me think of tampons and freshness. At one point society had turned femininity it into pink, ponies, and periods. Of course I, along with many women, found that annoying. Pink colors, and flowers and sundresses have admittedly never been my thing. But was society so wrong in doing that? I don't think so. What happened after though...when women got belligerent about pink and started getting rowdy...when they burned things and started showing their muscle...Was there something terribly ungodly about that? Something in me has always thought, yes.
Since I was little my opinions on women have changed a lot. As a young girl with my Free to Be You and Me record I was taught every time I put the needle down that women and men were the same and can do whatever they want and wear whatever they want. That we shouldn't force people into roles because of their gender and we shouldn't force them into outfits because of it either. When I got to college, I had a profound shift. I then started thinking of women in the most "biblical" sense that I could. They were to be submissive, not leaders, not the head of the church, and not the head of men. Shortly after college, my opinion became more extreme. Not only should women not be leaders in church, but they probably shouldn't be leaders ANYWHERE. They're just too dang emotional!! (let's all keep a grip on the fact that its a woman thinking these things)
I was thinking and feeling the opposite of what it was cool to think. All around us women were being given places of respect and power next to men and being touted as equals. The Same. But the societal definition of femininity was not keeping up. Still in society femininity is regarded as it was in the 50s. Feminine means sheepish, dainty, frilly and weak. We unabashedly call men feminine when they hold these qualities. But true to its form society is getting it wrong still. And Josh Culvers sermon uncovered to me just how wrong I can be as a result of living here.
What does it mean to be a woman? What did God design a woman to be? I'll admit it was weird to hear a man talking about it. I've long judged guys, I'll admit that too. I've not had a large amount of close guy friends in my life and certainly even less actual long lasting relationships. For centuries (yes I exaggerate) I blamed this on them. Because they were superficial, judgemental, mean, whatever I was calling it. I allowed this opinion to form in me so deeply that at one point I decided to convince myself that I didn't need them at all...I didn't want to get married and I certainly didn't want kids...yuck, stinky little booger eaters. I held on to that for a long time. I would quote Paul, "Its better for a man to remain single as I am, but if he HAS to get married..." I would public ally state that only weak people would get married and that I was stronger and better able to focus on God. (this was crap too, I've never been able to really focus on God) All of these beliefs, though I'm letting go of them slowly, got rubbed real good when Pastor Josh said, "Women were created to be wives and mothers."
He apologized profusely if it sounded harsh or intolerant of singleness. Everyone IS called to something different in our fallen world, but he was just reiterating what the Bible said. (oh, sorry, did you wanna hear it? Try here.)
I was surprised at my own reaction to hearing this. If you know me at all you know how completely annoyed I get when Pastors focus too much on marriage. When their illustrations all come from marriage or when the sermon wraps up on points just meant for husbands and wives, I get TICKED!!! But I did not get ticked. I purposefully listened with an open heart to this message because I wanted to give a genuine reaction to Sarah when I was done...and the message rang through loud and clear...I almost audibly heard walls tumbling down in response to his message.
Which walls? Walls that I've looked at before. Walls like the ones I saw when I read "Do You Think I'm Beautiful," walls that I see when I watch, "What Not To Wear" too many times, walls that form when I see pictures of friends on facebook leading their "amazing lives." Walls that were made by the conflicting societal definitions of women and femininity. Women can do whatever they want. Women can be whomever they want. BUT Femininity is weakness. Femininity is dainty. Femininity is shrieking at bugs. So by societies laws I had to accept that I was a woman, but I wasn't feminine. And this was completely possible and acceptable. Those beliefs built walls around my true womanliness and true femininity. The kinds that God talks about. The kinds I've never let myself feel or be because of society. The ones that come out in wives and mothers. The caring, the supporting, the loving, the nurturing, the being cherished, the being beautiful, the raising children, being the crown on a man's head.
If I truly wanted to be these things, if I really wanted to be a wife and mother, then my independence gets messed with and people will think I am living a life I am not happy with. People will think that I am sad. That I am incomplete. People will think that no one wants me. People will think I am desperate. People will think I am lonely. ...
Or should it be... People will know I am sad. People will know I am incomplete. People will know no one wants me. People will know I am desperate. People will know I am lonely.
Even as I type it, I want to backspace. Because I want you to know I am happy. I want you to know that I am good at what I do, and that I enjoy my life and the people in it and the wonderful adventures I get to go on. I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy my friends. I enjoy sleeping on the whole bed, I enjoy changing the temperature and not worrying about others. I really do. And seasonally speaking, I know there will be a time when I look back and wish it was just me and the dog again. But if I led you to believe that was the only feeling I had about it, I would be lying. Pastor Josh has allowed me to say that, womanly-speaking, not being a wife and a mother leaves me with a hole.
And beyond that, now I'm left with wondering what else society has left me with. What other silly notions do I hold about myself because of the false beliefs of a lost and confused people? This past year has been a great journey through the wrinkles of my brain; how I percieve myself, how I present that self, how others percieve me. I've had a lot of great conversations with lots of you about it. There was my commitment to ugly: Lets be as ugly as possible so that people believed I didnt care. Because better to not care and people see potential than to try and confirm that you're truly ugly. (these are self deceptions people, you dont have to lecture). There was also my commitment to singleness: getting grossed out at people's wedding pics, not attending weddings, not making eye contact with guys. If I play it up loud enough, then being single is a choice, not a curse. And then my commitment to aloneness: I can do all things. (there is no "through Christ who strengthens me" its just me) I can change my oil, I can check my tire pressure, I can camp alone, cook alone, manage my finances, raise a dog, and be perfectly happy. PERFECTLY happy.
All of these things are not only self deceptions, but deceptions of my woman-ness. They are denying all of the things God created me to be. And so life ended up feeling more like an act or lie and less feeling accepted and loved for who I am. I do believe that God created all of us as individuals and we all have a different path in life. Different things make us happy. Different things fulfill us. And because of the fall some of us might never find fulfillment on Earth. But, in admitting my created-most desires, I can confidently say that its not a self-deception that will keep me from that happiness. And for the next chunk of life, I'm going to look at my actions, responses and thoughts and ask myself, "Is this out of my God-created self, or my warped by society self-deceptions?" I would encourage you to do the same.
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