The Importance of Trust
2008 was decorated with a lot of failures. Not that there weren't victories. I had many. But it seemed like the failure outweighed those victories moreso than they had before.
I thought for a while about what might have caused all these failures. I found a common thread between them all.
I realized today that failure to trust is just absolute failure. If you're on a team of people set out to do something and you dont trust, you will never complete that something. You dont necessarily have to trust the other people. But there are elements to the situation that you must trust. You must trust one of three things: your teammates, your self, or the process. I've been in several situations lately in which I trusted none of these things. And that goal was met with failure. I made a lot of decisions in 2008 that seemed to put me in less than desirable situations. Decisions that at some point I wished I hadn't made. I was in new situations last year that I had never been in before, therefore I didn't know the proper decision to make. My gut would speak, and I would be told that instinct was wrong. Being that I wasnt sure, I relented. I didn't trust myself. Why would a trustworthy person put themselves in these situations? How could an untested gut produce the correct answer?
Equally though, I didn't trust the process either. It was different than processes that I knew. It seemed laborious. It seemed intensive. It seemed exhaustive. It seemed redundant. It seem irrational. I didn't trust it.
But the greatest difficulty to overcome is that I didn't trust the people involved. I tried a lot of things for the first time this year. I was inexperienced. Of course I couldnt be trusted. The process by which I'm going about things, I've not yet tested. I'm not terribly sure it will work. Of course it can't be trusted. Still all these things can be overcome if only I can just trust those around me. Those who say they've the experience to tell me, indeed this will work. But as I look at them,the only two things I have to hold on to...the things even I don't necessarily trust: my own experience and previously tried tactics, both flash warnings to me. "Don't believe this," they say. "You know better than this," They persist.
No, quiet down, Inexperience. You dont know everything. Venture out to learn. Let those who profess experience show you a new way. Let these people show you a better way. Surely even they have brought something to learn.
In some of my greatest failures this year I have learned that each experience, be it bright or faded, small or involved, is valuable. That has been my license to further trust myself.
I've also learned that the appearence of experience does not grant someone greater authority or reverence. That will be my license to not feel the need to trust others.
And I've learned that nearly any process can be successful if just given the time to be trusted.
In this next year, I want to work toward being more trusted by the people I lead, more trustworthy in the decisions I make, more trusting of the processes I follow, and less trusting of those my conscience deams unworthy.
Here's to one more way of growing up.
On a different note, something else I learned last year, and a little this year is that the person who gives quiet, unannounced attention to something, will get noticed in different and almost always better ways than the person who plays the martyr, or toots their own horn.
For example, if I were to start to lose weight today, and I told everyone everyday just how much I had lost, or how terribly difficult it was to not eat, or glare and stare at them evily when they ate in front of me, they would know my attempts, see the changes and note them, therefore lessening the outcome. But if i quietly changed habits, and groanlessly brought my weight down, then one day, and perhaps even out of nowhere, people would take note and be all the more impacted by what I had done quietly.
In other words, people are less concerned with what impresses you about yourself but impressed by things in you that have been cultivated quietly over a long period of time.
It's more inspirational to other people to be someone who can handle the world around them. Its more inspiring to look at the life of another person and believe that they have it all together. When I think of the people who have had the most positive influence over my life, they're always the ones who handle conflict and pressure with grace, balance and quiet confidence.
Isn't that really what we all want? To influence the world around us, and be someone that others would like to be?
Well, at least that's true for me.
and wow, look how much you read. AMAZING!
I thought for a while about what might have caused all these failures. I found a common thread between them all.
I realized today that failure to trust is just absolute failure. If you're on a team of people set out to do something and you dont trust, you will never complete that something. You dont necessarily have to trust the other people. But there are elements to the situation that you must trust. You must trust one of three things: your teammates, your self, or the process. I've been in several situations lately in which I trusted none of these things. And that goal was met with failure. I made a lot of decisions in 2008 that seemed to put me in less than desirable situations. Decisions that at some point I wished I hadn't made. I was in new situations last year that I had never been in before, therefore I didn't know the proper decision to make. My gut would speak, and I would be told that instinct was wrong. Being that I wasnt sure, I relented. I didn't trust myself. Why would a trustworthy person put themselves in these situations? How could an untested gut produce the correct answer?
Equally though, I didn't trust the process either. It was different than processes that I knew. It seemed laborious. It seemed intensive. It seemed exhaustive. It seemed redundant. It seem irrational. I didn't trust it.
But the greatest difficulty to overcome is that I didn't trust the people involved. I tried a lot of things for the first time this year. I was inexperienced. Of course I couldnt be trusted. The process by which I'm going about things, I've not yet tested. I'm not terribly sure it will work. Of course it can't be trusted. Still all these things can be overcome if only I can just trust those around me. Those who say they've the experience to tell me, indeed this will work. But as I look at them,the only two things I have to hold on to...the things even I don't necessarily trust: my own experience and previously tried tactics, both flash warnings to me. "Don't believe this," they say. "You know better than this," They persist.
No, quiet down, Inexperience. You dont know everything. Venture out to learn. Let those who profess experience show you a new way. Let these people show you a better way. Surely even they have brought something to learn.
In some of my greatest failures this year I have learned that each experience, be it bright or faded, small or involved, is valuable. That has been my license to further trust myself.
I've also learned that the appearence of experience does not grant someone greater authority or reverence. That will be my license to not feel the need to trust others.
And I've learned that nearly any process can be successful if just given the time to be trusted.
In this next year, I want to work toward being more trusted by the people I lead, more trustworthy in the decisions I make, more trusting of the processes I follow, and less trusting of those my conscience deams unworthy.
Here's to one more way of growing up.
On a different note, something else I learned last year, and a little this year is that the person who gives quiet, unannounced attention to something, will get noticed in different and almost always better ways than the person who plays the martyr, or toots their own horn.
For example, if I were to start to lose weight today, and I told everyone everyday just how much I had lost, or how terribly difficult it was to not eat, or glare and stare at them evily when they ate in front of me, they would know my attempts, see the changes and note them, therefore lessening the outcome. But if i quietly changed habits, and groanlessly brought my weight down, then one day, and perhaps even out of nowhere, people would take note and be all the more impacted by what I had done quietly.
In other words, people are less concerned with what impresses you about yourself but impressed by things in you that have been cultivated quietly over a long period of time.
It's more inspirational to other people to be someone who can handle the world around them. Its more inspiring to look at the life of another person and believe that they have it all together. When I think of the people who have had the most positive influence over my life, they're always the ones who handle conflict and pressure with grace, balance and quiet confidence.
Isn't that really what we all want? To influence the world around us, and be someone that others would like to be?
Well, at least that's true for me.
and wow, look how much you read. AMAZING!
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