I Don't Like Running...and other things I'm done with.
I got all suited up this morning to go "running." It's in quotes because it is never truly running. It is a couple minutes of laboring and breathing hard and wishing it was over. It is a couple rounds of quitting early and walking through the urge to poop.
I was 2 minutes into this "workout" and I realized...
I hate running.
No really...I hate it. I dread going, I put it off, and when I get there I have to do everything I can think of to stop thinking about it until it's over. And that runner's high? Yeah...it was about ten minutes of..."Glad thats over for today."
I was running because I was signed up to do another triathlon.
You know what?
I hate those too. No really, I do...I've done a few and they are never awesome. I mean...The environment is electric and everyone there is really ripped and beautiful and they are all total badasses. But swimming in a pool of thrashing bodies, followed by a lonely bike ride, followed by a limping pseudo-run...finishing either last or way behind where I could have and feeling less about myself because I was so slow and feeling clearly like I am not one of these people...I hate that.
And the endless days of training to get there. The heat and the chlorine, and the sore butt and the early mornings and the guilt of not working out...I don't enjoy any of it.
I didn't sign up because I like competition. I didn't sign up because I love swimming and biking and running so much that I can't get enough. I signed up because I wanted to be like them. Well, I wanted people to look and me and think about me the way I thought about triathletes. I wanted to be a badass.
But why this kind of badass?
Anyone who has ever seen me engaging in sports knows I am not an athlete. When I was 16 and transformation was easy, I still sucked at basketball. I was on the track team and still couldn't run a mile.
Am I exercise bashing?
No way...
There are lots of things I like to do that are physically challenging, but I don't notice how hard they are until my muscles hurt the next day. And they don't make me feel worse about myself at any point.
Here's a list:
swimming for fun
kayaking
camping
hiking
gardening
walking
racquetball
playing in the ocean
I do like losing weight...that's fun. I like going to sleep at night and feeling good. So as much as I want to get on the "I'm fat! Deal with it!" wagon, I can't. Because I don't like carrying extra pounds and I know I can be a healthy weight.
I like accomplishment. I like pumping my fists in adrenaline and saying "Grr!!! I did it!!"But I can do that about kayaking 30 miles, or camping for a week, or mowing the lawn, or growing a beet, or singing in front of 500 people. I have done all of those things. GRRR I did them all. Those are all pretty badass. I'll do it about getting my masters or getting married or getting my oil changed. (hopefully not in that order)
I'm not an athlete though...I mean, in some ways I am. I like adventure. It's fun. But plugging away day after day...running...and running...and running.
its not really who i am.
Will I never run again? No..I'm sure someday I'll get a notion and be like...I think I'll run for a minute. Maybe on a camping adventure I see a rabid possum and have to run away.
Do I think you're silly and misguided because you push yourself to run a lot? Are you dumb for exercising hours a day? Nah...You go for it. You be you. You'll love it.
What do I really want in all this? I want to be happy. And while it's very easy to think that happiness is found at the end of someone else's advice, it's not. Happiness is found deep inside at the place where you listen to yourself. It's in that place where you say, "Who is this person I'm living in?" and you discover it, and you display it, and you realize they are pretty badass already.
I was 2 minutes into this "workout" and I realized...
I hate running.
No really...I hate it. I dread going, I put it off, and when I get there I have to do everything I can think of to stop thinking about it until it's over. And that runner's high? Yeah...it was about ten minutes of..."Glad thats over for today."
I was running because I was signed up to do another triathlon.
You know what?
I hate those too. No really, I do...I've done a few and they are never awesome. I mean...The environment is electric and everyone there is really ripped and beautiful and they are all total badasses. But swimming in a pool of thrashing bodies, followed by a lonely bike ride, followed by a limping pseudo-run...finishing either last or way behind where I could have and feeling less about myself because I was so slow and feeling clearly like I am not one of these people...I hate that.
And the endless days of training to get there. The heat and the chlorine, and the sore butt and the early mornings and the guilt of not working out...I don't enjoy any of it.
I didn't sign up because I like competition. I didn't sign up because I love swimming and biking and running so much that I can't get enough. I signed up because I wanted to be like them. Well, I wanted people to look and me and think about me the way I thought about triathletes. I wanted to be a badass.
But why this kind of badass?
Anyone who has ever seen me engaging in sports knows I am not an athlete. When I was 16 and transformation was easy, I still sucked at basketball. I was on the track team and still couldn't run a mile.
Am I exercise bashing?
No way...
There are lots of things I like to do that are physically challenging, but I don't notice how hard they are until my muscles hurt the next day. And they don't make me feel worse about myself at any point.
Here's a list:
swimming for fun
kayaking
camping
hiking
gardening
walking
racquetball
playing in the ocean
I do like losing weight...that's fun. I like going to sleep at night and feeling good. So as much as I want to get on the "I'm fat! Deal with it!" wagon, I can't. Because I don't like carrying extra pounds and I know I can be a healthy weight.
I like accomplishment. I like pumping my fists in adrenaline and saying "Grr!!! I did it!!"But I can do that about kayaking 30 miles, or camping for a week, or mowing the lawn, or growing a beet, or singing in front of 500 people. I have done all of those things. GRRR I did them all. Those are all pretty badass. I'll do it about getting my masters or getting married or getting my oil changed. (hopefully not in that order)
I'm not an athlete though...I mean, in some ways I am. I like adventure. It's fun. But plugging away day after day...running...and running...and running.
its not really who i am.
Will I never run again? No..I'm sure someday I'll get a notion and be like...I think I'll run for a minute. Maybe on a camping adventure I see a rabid possum and have to run away.
Do I think you're silly and misguided because you push yourself to run a lot? Are you dumb for exercising hours a day? Nah...You go for it. You be you. You'll love it.
What do I really want in all this? I want to be happy. And while it's very easy to think that happiness is found at the end of someone else's advice, it's not. Happiness is found deep inside at the place where you listen to yourself. It's in that place where you say, "Who is this person I'm living in?" and you discover it, and you display it, and you realize they are pretty badass already.
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