Disturbed: Prosperity and People who Married Young.
I really want to blog today. Its been months and months, and while I like it when you read it, I like it better for the record of things that God is showing me, or that He's not showing me that I'm frustrated about.
I'm frustrated about a lot of things lately.
And at the same time I'm not frustrated about much at all.
But since the latter would be a boring blog, let me just focus on what I am frustrated about. Or really just two things tonight. I'm just going to be really honest, because I think political correctness is hurting us more than its helping.
Here we go.
Prosperity:
I judge rich people. I always have. Probably because my family has never been super rich, sure. Did I ever go without anything I really needed? No. Did I have to restart my first car at every stop sign? Yes. I like how I grew up, because I'm not disillusioned about the power of material things.
And that is certainly a point of pride.
However, was I sad when I started making $55,000 a year? A figure that, at the time, was higher than the average american family income? Nope. I liked it. It felt nice to not worry. It also felt nice to not really have to suffer for long when I made miscalculations. But I quit it. And I left. I left because my life didn't make sense to me anymore. I burnt through all my energy making money. I was not making disciples.
I make just about 25% of what I used to. I'm still happy.
What baffles me and bothers me so deeply is that Christ preached SO OFTEN about money. My pastor this weekend said 1 out of every 6 things Jesus said was about money, or stewardship, or being rich. I trust the guy, so I've not researched that. Seems to me like it was a really big deal to him. Bigger than sex. Bigger than child-rearing. Bigger than dating. Bigger than homosexuality. Bigger than all the stupid things that we waste our energy on. What do WE talk about every six times we open our mouths? I KNOW its not properly handling money. Pastors can only get away with convicting us about money once a year after the board approves the budget. Even then, we have to stick with the tithe message. Nothing about intense generosity. Nothing about selling everything we have and giving it to the poor. Nothing about spreading our wealth around....THAT'S COMMUNISM!! (yeah, it is, if the government forces it, but they don't...well, mostly.)
Is it judgmental of me to think its RIDICULOUS for Christians to be rich? Should we have half million dollar homes? Should we have all of the nicest things money can buy? Should we drive that brand new Lexus? Is it appropriate to justify spending more on a car than on a house because Mercedes appreciate in value! Its good stewardship! Are we lying to ourselves about what is really God's heart about our prosperity? Is THIS what God meant when we said we would prosper?
Or did God bless us so that we might bless one another? Did he give us more and expect more from us? What is the REAL gospel truth about money? Are we supposed to store up treasures in heaven? Or is it, wink wink, ok to have SOME treasures on earth?
So yeah friends, pray for me. Because I do judge the wealthy. I judge their hearts. I will never think its ok, especially for a pastor, or missionary, or worship leader, or ANYONE paid for by church funds to seek and obtain wealth. There is NO reason for us, or our leaders to be rolling in it, when there are SO MANY people dying because they have none. It's DISGUSTING to me.
Here's some real horseshit about just how rich we are. Credit again to my pastor for enlightening me this past Sunday. If you combined all the American Christians' income (and I just mean those who go to church two or more times a month) their combined income would equal 1 trillion dollars a year.
One. Trillion. Dollars. a. year.
If we were our own nation, we would be the SEVENTH wealthiest nation on the planet. God has richly endowed us with MORE THAN ENOUGH to rescue people from poverty...to provide for the needs of the broken and WHAT do we do!??!?! We live in HALF MILLION dollar houses and drive 50,000 cars!!!!! We spend BILLIONS on storage units to house our CRAP. We have to dress our babies in expensive clothes. We have to buy our groceries from specialty stores. We have to have enough scarves to look cute. We have to wear seven pieces of jewelry to fit in. We have to have a zero turn lawn mower to get the yard done faster. We have to have a lamp in every corner of our rooms to balance the light. We are assholes.
Shame.
SHAME ON US.
We. Suck.
People Who Married Young (17-23):
This is an open letter to people who married young. (Those of you who met in high school or college and have been married ever since.)
We learned in a training at work that the dumbest thing you can say to a hurting person is that you understand. That is, unless, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have walked in their shoes exactly and can share the burden of their specific hurt.
I do not discount that marriage is hard.
I do not say you don't know loneliness, hardship, or pain.
But it is not possible for you, who have experienced what you have to truly understand the feelings, motives, and hardships of a person, man or woman who has lived single as an adult. Can you try and imagine? Yes. Can you listen? Yes. Can you say things like, "I know how lonely you must be..." No. Because the loneliness of a 19 year old who wasn't asked out on a Friday night is not the same AT ALL to someone who has tried to hold out hope for 20 or more years. Be aware of this and respect it. I don't say this for my benefit. I say it for all the single people out there who hear crap day in and day out. You have NO idea. Just as I don't know what it's like to live in a loveless marriage. Just like I don't know what its like to have a spouse die, cheat or divorce you. Just like I don't know the pain of losing a baby. I would NEVER presume to know...and neither should you.
Also, in relation to this subject, dating as a 35 year old is not the same as dating as a 19 year old. Infer what you wish about that statement. If you've not dated as someone in their 30s, then you have no advice to give. Be okay with this. Do not assume that what happens with 30 somethings is the same as what happens with 19 year olds.
Finally, There seems to be a growing arrogance among married people regardless of their age, and especially when talking to single people. It sounds like this: (and yes, these are real conversations that I have been privy to in the last 15 years)
1. "I can't work that day, I have a family."
2. "You wouldn't understand, you don't have the pressure to provide for a family."
3. "You can't really be nurturing unless you've had kids yourself."
4. "Don't worry, you'll meet someone, just keep waiting."
The list goes on and on really. So let me just focus on these, and then I'm done for the day...
1. You have a family. Regardless of when you get home, your family will be there. If single people are always working so that you can enjoy your family, then when do I have time to even build one? How bout do what you get paid to do, and make the most of the time you spend at home. Then we all get the same amount of time off and can live our lives.
2. You're right, I don't have the pressure to provide for a family...I only have the pressure of being my sole means of support, making all my decisions with only myself to talk to. If I lose my job, its over. If my income isn't enough, it's not enough. There is no one to help. There is no one to work and supplement, and there is no one to hold me accountable when I want to shop away my feelings. I am all I have.
3. Nurturing is developed when a person cares more for the needs of another than they care for themselves. Making babies is not a prerequisite for being nurturing. Additionally, some of you who have a spouse and kids suck at it. The shear fact that you said that means its not in you.
4. My life is happening now. My life is whole and good. I'm not waiting for anything or anyone. Do I look around for someone to share the journey with? Sure. Will I die if he never shows up? No. Are there several passages in the Bible that hail singleness as the best choice...one of those passages even being in red letters? Yes. I am not constantly wrapped up in worry and torment.
Lastly, to pastors. Get some new sermon illustrations. Always referring to marriage isn't ok.
You guys...seriously... it's gut check time. I'm going to let you in on something. It's a little bit of a secret. ...Getting married and having children is NOT what life is all about. Life is about making Christ known and not an ounce more than that.
I'm frustrated about a lot of things lately.
And at the same time I'm not frustrated about much at all.
But since the latter would be a boring blog, let me just focus on what I am frustrated about. Or really just two things tonight. I'm just going to be really honest, because I think political correctness is hurting us more than its helping.
Here we go.
Prosperity:
I judge rich people. I always have. Probably because my family has never been super rich, sure. Did I ever go without anything I really needed? No. Did I have to restart my first car at every stop sign? Yes. I like how I grew up, because I'm not disillusioned about the power of material things.
And that is certainly a point of pride.
However, was I sad when I started making $55,000 a year? A figure that, at the time, was higher than the average american family income? Nope. I liked it. It felt nice to not worry. It also felt nice to not really have to suffer for long when I made miscalculations. But I quit it. And I left. I left because my life didn't make sense to me anymore. I burnt through all my energy making money. I was not making disciples.
I make just about 25% of what I used to. I'm still happy.
What baffles me and bothers me so deeply is that Christ preached SO OFTEN about money. My pastor this weekend said 1 out of every 6 things Jesus said was about money, or stewardship, or being rich. I trust the guy, so I've not researched that. Seems to me like it was a really big deal to him. Bigger than sex. Bigger than child-rearing. Bigger than dating. Bigger than homosexuality. Bigger than all the stupid things that we waste our energy on. What do WE talk about every six times we open our mouths? I KNOW its not properly handling money. Pastors can only get away with convicting us about money once a year after the board approves the budget. Even then, we have to stick with the tithe message. Nothing about intense generosity. Nothing about selling everything we have and giving it to the poor. Nothing about spreading our wealth around....THAT'S COMMUNISM!! (yeah, it is, if the government forces it, but they don't...well, mostly.)
Is it judgmental of me to think its RIDICULOUS for Christians to be rich? Should we have half million dollar homes? Should we have all of the nicest things money can buy? Should we drive that brand new Lexus? Is it appropriate to justify spending more on a car than on a house because Mercedes appreciate in value! Its good stewardship! Are we lying to ourselves about what is really God's heart about our prosperity? Is THIS what God meant when we said we would prosper?
Or did God bless us so that we might bless one another? Did he give us more and expect more from us? What is the REAL gospel truth about money? Are we supposed to store up treasures in heaven? Or is it, wink wink, ok to have SOME treasures on earth?
So yeah friends, pray for me. Because I do judge the wealthy. I judge their hearts. I will never think its ok, especially for a pastor, or missionary, or worship leader, or ANYONE paid for by church funds to seek and obtain wealth. There is NO reason for us, or our leaders to be rolling in it, when there are SO MANY people dying because they have none. It's DISGUSTING to me.
Here's some real horseshit about just how rich we are. Credit again to my pastor for enlightening me this past Sunday. If you combined all the American Christians' income (and I just mean those who go to church two or more times a month) their combined income would equal 1 trillion dollars a year.
One. Trillion. Dollars. a. year.
If we were our own nation, we would be the SEVENTH wealthiest nation on the planet. God has richly endowed us with MORE THAN ENOUGH to rescue people from poverty...to provide for the needs of the broken and WHAT do we do!??!?! We live in HALF MILLION dollar houses and drive 50,000 cars!!!!! We spend BILLIONS on storage units to house our CRAP. We have to dress our babies in expensive clothes. We have to buy our groceries from specialty stores. We have to have enough scarves to look cute. We have to wear seven pieces of jewelry to fit in. We have to have a zero turn lawn mower to get the yard done faster. We have to have a lamp in every corner of our rooms to balance the light. We are assholes.
Shame.
SHAME ON US.
We. Suck.
People Who Married Young (17-23):
This is an open letter to people who married young. (Those of you who met in high school or college and have been married ever since.)
We learned in a training at work that the dumbest thing you can say to a hurting person is that you understand. That is, unless, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have walked in their shoes exactly and can share the burden of their specific hurt.
I do not discount that marriage is hard.
I do not say you don't know loneliness, hardship, or pain.
But it is not possible for you, who have experienced what you have to truly understand the feelings, motives, and hardships of a person, man or woman who has lived single as an adult. Can you try and imagine? Yes. Can you listen? Yes. Can you say things like, "I know how lonely you must be..." No. Because the loneliness of a 19 year old who wasn't asked out on a Friday night is not the same AT ALL to someone who has tried to hold out hope for 20 or more years. Be aware of this and respect it. I don't say this for my benefit. I say it for all the single people out there who hear crap day in and day out. You have NO idea. Just as I don't know what it's like to live in a loveless marriage. Just like I don't know what its like to have a spouse die, cheat or divorce you. Just like I don't know the pain of losing a baby. I would NEVER presume to know...and neither should you.
Also, in relation to this subject, dating as a 35 year old is not the same as dating as a 19 year old. Infer what you wish about that statement. If you've not dated as someone in their 30s, then you have no advice to give. Be okay with this. Do not assume that what happens with 30 somethings is the same as what happens with 19 year olds.
Finally, There seems to be a growing arrogance among married people regardless of their age, and especially when talking to single people. It sounds like this: (and yes, these are real conversations that I have been privy to in the last 15 years)
1. "I can't work that day, I have a family."
2. "You wouldn't understand, you don't have the pressure to provide for a family."
3. "You can't really be nurturing unless you've had kids yourself."
4. "Don't worry, you'll meet someone, just keep waiting."
The list goes on and on really. So let me just focus on these, and then I'm done for the day...
1. You have a family. Regardless of when you get home, your family will be there. If single people are always working so that you can enjoy your family, then when do I have time to even build one? How bout do what you get paid to do, and make the most of the time you spend at home. Then we all get the same amount of time off and can live our lives.
2. You're right, I don't have the pressure to provide for a family...I only have the pressure of being my sole means of support, making all my decisions with only myself to talk to. If I lose my job, its over. If my income isn't enough, it's not enough. There is no one to help. There is no one to work and supplement, and there is no one to hold me accountable when I want to shop away my feelings. I am all I have.
3. Nurturing is developed when a person cares more for the needs of another than they care for themselves. Making babies is not a prerequisite for being nurturing. Additionally, some of you who have a spouse and kids suck at it. The shear fact that you said that means its not in you.
4. My life is happening now. My life is whole and good. I'm not waiting for anything or anyone. Do I look around for someone to share the journey with? Sure. Will I die if he never shows up? No. Are there several passages in the Bible that hail singleness as the best choice...one of those passages even being in red letters? Yes. I am not constantly wrapped up in worry and torment.
Lastly, to pastors. Get some new sermon illustrations. Always referring to marriage isn't ok.
You guys...seriously... it's gut check time. I'm going to let you in on something. It's a little bit of a secret. ...Getting married and having children is NOT what life is all about. Life is about making Christ known and not an ounce more than that.
Comments
I was watching one of those televangelists the other night and got sick to my stomach at how lavishly they lived on their pay from the church. As far as I am concerned, you hit the nail on the head about "Prosperity". If we have that kind of money and are serving the Lord...why wouldn't we help those less fortunate? I could go on-n-on, but you already said what I feel.
On the second subject, I agree with you once again. I usually say to people, "I can't even begin to understand what you are going thru". Even if I've gone thru something similar, I have no idea about their emotions, mental status...etc. However, I didn't have my first date until I was 25 yrs old. I was a workaholic,shy and didn't know who 'I' was. It was really hard watching most of my friends dating.
Thanks for sharing you thoughts!!
Lee H.
Trading Forex Indonesia