So which is it really?

I'm an over-analyzer. Or is it obsess-er? I could stress myself out about which I am, which probably points me closer to obsesser. Of all the things I want in this life, I am finding a lot of them are just on the brink of becoming realities...and yet they arent completely material yet. I can see the future bleeding out in front of me in outstanding, incredible, unbelievable awesomeness...potentially. Potential is a funny thing. In some ways we all hold a great deal of it and obtaining is just a matter of applying a little pressure to our potential. But that is only half of this phenomenon's personality...because the other half of potential surround the things we cannot change. Things we believe in and see nearing us everyday, but there's nothing we can do but wait, and hope and maybe even try to bribe God to have.

Dont read that and be shocked like you dont try to bribe God too. "Aww PLEASE Lord...let that happen!! that would be soooo perfect!! I'd do ANYTHING!!"

I think today though, I'm less obsessed with the potential of life as it unfolds and just more oppressed by its slow entrance. Its like I'm at a concert of someone I really really want to see and the lights have all gone down and the crowd is going crazy...the drums are pounding out a quick random beat, and the guitars are chiming in here and there...the spotlight is all swirling around...you just KNOW something is about to happen...but where's the headliner?!?! Is he gonna come out from backstage, or maybe from the crowd? What if they rise up from the floor!? Or lower down from the rafters...They might crowd-surf down to the stage in a giant hamster ball!! I'm excited and wondering what I'm in for...I've bought my ticket to see this show and I'm invested...but if that headliner doesnt come out soon, this show is just going to turn into a riot.

But basically, I feel like life is about to have a lot of potential. I have a lot of great decisions to make and not a lot of guidance on how to make them. I know what my heart wants, and I know what my head wants. I know what my impulse would like to do right now and in some ways its hard to know if should just act impulsively, or wait it out. And if I wait, what am I waiting for, and how will i know when I'm done waiting? I've always been one to hope and wish my instructions would fly across the sky strapped to the back of a biplane, but in my life, things have never worked out that way. So I expect it less and less as I go.

All this to say, when an idea gets put in my head, or a desire in my heart I obsess. I over-analyze and I long for the closure of a decision made. Nothing is more awesome than taking a first step toward what you've always wanted...even if always is all of 45 minutes.

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