because i got to have faith a faith a faith Ah...
Most all of us, at some point or another in our lives wait and hope for something. Unless you live under a lucky star, you can spend a considerable amount of time in wait. I feel like sometimes most of my life is spent waiting for something. Waiting for a new job, waiting for the next time I see my friends, waiting for the end of the day, waiting to get married, waiting to have kids waiting to move to a different place, waiting to start a new hobby. From time to time I get this feeling that my whole life has been sitting, waiting to begin. And I know, I know...I've already begun...I mean, technically, if I live the average length of time as a woman in America, I'm a little over a third of the way done with this life.
Thats not where I'm headed with this though...so we'll think about that tomorrow. (or maybe considerably further down the road...we'll wait and see)
I was thinking a couple of days ago about all the things I'm waiting for. Some of them are things I'm waiting to start doing for whatever silly reason, and some things are things that I dont necessarily have control over, i just want really bad, and have to just wait. A more logical, unemotional person would focus on the things I'm waiting to do...things I have some control over and impact on...but me being who I am, I keep my eyes planted on the things that I want, but cant just go out and get. Things that require a little more luck. A little more magic. I dont know about you, but when it comes to the future, and to the things that I want and feel like I'm designed to have, I used to get really weighed down by doubt; doubt that I was barking up the right tree; doubt that I am perhaps just wanting what other people have, and not what I should be wanting for myself.
Its the doubts that play tricks on you and make your head spin. Wondering if youre seeking after the right things or wasting your time and emotions when you should be looking elsewhere for something entirely different.
And I dont know if you're like me, but I've never been one of those people that God just communicated clearly with. I dont think I've ever really said with confidence that "God is really moving me to....." I think I've said it before, I know I've said it before, but it was really in a time in my life when everyone around me was saying it too. So when it comes to these things I have inside of me, wanting something, or waiting for something..I get worried that the things I come up with are just that: things Ive come up with...and not things from God that he really wants for me.
So I was thinking about it...and about some of the things I want and wonder if I'll ever have. They're things that I've never been able to shake, and dont like living without...and so, whether theyre from God or not, I'm going to be spending approximately the REST of my life dealing with them. So what exactly is the best way to live with waiting? I asked myself, if I knew the answer...if I knew the outcome right now, before it happened...if I knew whether or not I was going to get any given desire, how would that information affect me?
I decided this: if i knew I'd never have the things my heart desires, I'd be a little devastated. I'd spend a considerable, perhaps endless amount of time asking why...and wondering whats so wrong with me that I can't have so and so...and I'd spend another considerable chunk of time wondering why God is so heartless that he'd allow the desires to stay even though he has intended to never fulfill them.
conversely, if i knew i was going to eventually get them, even without knowing the day or time, I'd be able to relax a little; worry less; live more. I'd be happy knowing they were on their way eventually, and could release myself from the constant wonder and doubt.
But really, psychics arent real, and fortune cookies dont work, so we never really know what will happen. So hello faith, how are you? At this point, I can choose to believe either of the options above...that its not going to happen or it is. If I believe its not, I'm in for the bitter bus...and a long trip to sad valley. but if i use my energy to choose to believe that all the things my heart desires are someday going to become realities, then whats the harm in that? Technically, faith in things happening eventually doesnt wear out until right before you die...then...who cares?! The benefit is in how that faith effects the days you are living.
Its a psychological trick, really...but I psychologically sabotage myself too, so I feel healthy doing it.
I feel healthy believing in the magic and beauty of this life, in dreams coming true, and in God being the hand that planted the seeds of the things we truly want so that he can grow within us a perfectly organic experience, that stems from who we are, and who we live with intention to be. Anyone else hearing the sweet hawaiian version of somewhere over the rainbow playing right now? Hey its better than the George Michael we all started thinking about earlier, right?
Thats not where I'm headed with this though...so we'll think about that tomorrow. (or maybe considerably further down the road...we'll wait and see)
I was thinking a couple of days ago about all the things I'm waiting for. Some of them are things I'm waiting to start doing for whatever silly reason, and some things are things that I dont necessarily have control over, i just want really bad, and have to just wait. A more logical, unemotional person would focus on the things I'm waiting to do...things I have some control over and impact on...but me being who I am, I keep my eyes planted on the things that I want, but cant just go out and get. Things that require a little more luck. A little more magic. I dont know about you, but when it comes to the future, and to the things that I want and feel like I'm designed to have, I used to get really weighed down by doubt; doubt that I was barking up the right tree; doubt that I am perhaps just wanting what other people have, and not what I should be wanting for myself.
Its the doubts that play tricks on you and make your head spin. Wondering if youre seeking after the right things or wasting your time and emotions when you should be looking elsewhere for something entirely different.
And I dont know if you're like me, but I've never been one of those people that God just communicated clearly with. I dont think I've ever really said with confidence that "God is really moving me to....." I think I've said it before, I know I've said it before, but it was really in a time in my life when everyone around me was saying it too. So when it comes to these things I have inside of me, wanting something, or waiting for something..I get worried that the things I come up with are just that: things Ive come up with...and not things from God that he really wants for me.
So I was thinking about it...and about some of the things I want and wonder if I'll ever have. They're things that I've never been able to shake, and dont like living without...and so, whether theyre from God or not, I'm going to be spending approximately the REST of my life dealing with them. So what exactly is the best way to live with waiting? I asked myself, if I knew the answer...if I knew the outcome right now, before it happened...if I knew whether or not I was going to get any given desire, how would that information affect me?
I decided this: if i knew I'd never have the things my heart desires, I'd be a little devastated. I'd spend a considerable, perhaps endless amount of time asking why...and wondering whats so wrong with me that I can't have so and so...and I'd spend another considerable chunk of time wondering why God is so heartless that he'd allow the desires to stay even though he has intended to never fulfill them.
conversely, if i knew i was going to eventually get them, even without knowing the day or time, I'd be able to relax a little; worry less; live more. I'd be happy knowing they were on their way eventually, and could release myself from the constant wonder and doubt.
But really, psychics arent real, and fortune cookies dont work, so we never really know what will happen. So hello faith, how are you? At this point, I can choose to believe either of the options above...that its not going to happen or it is. If I believe its not, I'm in for the bitter bus...and a long trip to sad valley. but if i use my energy to choose to believe that all the things my heart desires are someday going to become realities, then whats the harm in that? Technically, faith in things happening eventually doesnt wear out until right before you die...then...who cares?! The benefit is in how that faith effects the days you are living.
Its a psychological trick, really...but I psychologically sabotage myself too, so I feel healthy doing it.
I feel healthy believing in the magic and beauty of this life, in dreams coming true, and in God being the hand that planted the seeds of the things we truly want so that he can grow within us a perfectly organic experience, that stems from who we are, and who we live with intention to be. Anyone else hearing the sweet hawaiian version of somewhere over the rainbow playing right now? Hey its better than the George Michael we all started thinking about earlier, right?
Comments
You summed up nicely the whole concept of faith, (the spritual kind, not the album). It allows you to get through ordinary, difficult and/or devastating times, know that things will tun ot for the best. I have great respect for people who have strong faith, yet question it strongly, which in turn, stengthens it more. They have a quiet confidence about them.