when you have no idea what you're doing

For the last year i've not understood completely what exactly it is that I'm doing. It's not a big deal, really. I honestly wonder how many people actually completely understand what it is that they do. Really, in America I think the habit is that once you learn how to do something well, you move to the next level, where you have an idea of how it should go, and you grow through making mistakes, until you learn everything you can and then you move up again to start the cycle all over again.

This is backassward.

A hundred years ago, you weren't allowed to do much until you were trained, apprenticed, licensed, or degreed. Everything required a huge learning curve before you were allowed to do it and had ample opportunities to believe and prove that you knew exactly what you were doing. You started young and learned how to do something. Then you did that something your entire life. And your kids did it, and their kids did it.

not so anymore.

Now, you start somewhere, kiss someone's ass and prove you'd be less offensive doing your bosses job than your boss

So now, in our modern world, if you could call it that, I sit everyday wondering exactly what it is I should be doing, looking to the people around me trying to fix the crap I've screwed up before anyone finds out I screwed it up. Instead of spending time feeling confident and good at what I do...I spend most of my time worrying that someone's going to see me being as ineffective and inefficient as I already know I am.

i.e.,
I had a bad day.

and yeah, i have that stupid bad day song in my head.



you know what I miss right now?
Working in an environment where people had just enough work to do to feel successful, but tired. Working is like eating. If you eat just enough you feel healthy, balanced, energized, and whole. And if you work too much you feel full, tired, cranky and overwhelmed.

And, if you waste your worktime on things that are un"healthy" for the business, then youre working hard...(or eating junkfood). I can eat well, and be unhealthy, thus the work does me no real good. Or I can eat smart, and gain a lot of rewards from what it is I chose to eat.

but just like eating, its ok to overwork once in a while (see thanksgiving and the fourth of july) as long as when you do, you go right back to healthy working.

so I've been work bingeing for like a year now and I feel very overweight. And this analogy got really heavy too...

bottom line:
I need someone to teach me how to work healthy, smart and balanced.

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