wow.

So...It's Monday. Monday following the Saturday where I did 20 miles.
During the 20 miles I was worried.

very worried.

Because they hurt. They hurt really bad.
So bad in fact that with a half a mile left to go I wanted to lay down in the grass and sleep there. So bad that every third step I would audibly grunt. So bad that I didnt move for 36 hours afterward. 22 of which I was sleeping.

BUT...
now its Monday.
and I feel ok.

I genuinely feel ok.

I feel like I could go a couple miles today..and I probably should. After that 20 I feel like I should...

I feel like this medal should be forged in gold for all the pain I have endured ALREADY.

I can't even fathom how badly this race is going to hurt.
can't. even. fathom.

At mile 18 a thought popped into my head that honestly didn't pop out until this morning. The thought that maybe I was not at all ready for this endeavor, That maybe I untater this one. That maybe even my big gigantic heart wouldn't be able to pull me through to the end of this one. That I should quit while I was ahead and finish the half in record time. I could Kill a half right now. I could go sub three on a half right now, because I know what my limit really feels like. I mean, probably not, because that's really fast, but you get my drift.

I watched a video on the internet this weekend about a guy who runs ultras on trails in the woods.
He said, "When a person has given everything they think they've got, they've still got another 40% in them." I don't really remember anything about that video after that because my mind was too busy doing the math.

20 miles is about 75% of a marathon. So if I felt like I was at my end...I really had another 9 miles left...
unfathomable. Absolutely unfathomable.

but I'll take what I can get.

no quitting here!

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