Wow
So...
I just spent a long time reading back over past posts...when I say past posts..I mean ALL of my past posts. From the very first until now. I even forgot that the original name of this blog was fatass to marathoner. lol. I remember changing the name because A: it was embarrassing to say fatass when telling people about the blog and B: to Marathoner was deceptive as I felt like I would only ever do halves.
halfs.
halves
Whatever.
Thats when I realized, I've never really talked about the fact that I'm over that feeling. The feeling like I'll only ever complete a half. Well, I think I'm close enough to doing and far enough into training to admit that I'm going to try to complete the full in Kiawah. Its still weird and I still wonder and worry, but in reading back on old posts I felt the same way about the first half. That was just entirely scary, unrealistic and unbearably long.
I talked about how much I hurt after training, how incredible I thought it was to go 2 miles in the mornings and how worried I was about not making the distance.
Well...today its all the same feelings. Except instead of being scared of my 9 mile trainging, I'm scared of my 14 miler. Instead of being proud of doing the 2 miles every morning, I'm proud of the 4 milers. Instead of worrying about hitting the wall at 10 miles, I'm worried about the 20 mile mark.
And instead of dreaming about how cool it would be to understand t-shirts that say "At 20 miles, I thought I would die, at 24 miles I wanted to die, but at 26.2 I was too tough to kill" I'm thinking...Hmmm do they make that in my size?
Its like eating the same icecream sundae. The pain is the same, the training plans are the same and the deep down secret belief in my ability to finish is the same. So it is the doubt sauce that covers my confidence. No no, dont hear what I'm not saying, I'm not sure I'll do this. I don't laugh at your "i believe you have a less than five percent chance" like I did before the first triathlon, but I believe in the training plan in front of me. And I believe in the 90% of this race thats in my skull.
It almost makes me wonder. Does going farther mean the shorter distances are easier? Or that the pain is less? It doesnt seem like it. I walked one mile to work today and I'm a little stiff... I walked 4 miles on Saturday and felt the same. Am I stronger physically so that training hurts less, or just stronger mentally and can endure more pain?
We'll see.
December 6th in Charleston. If you see the 26.2 sticker on my car, you'll know. And so will I.
:)
I just spent a long time reading back over past posts...when I say past posts..I mean ALL of my past posts. From the very first until now. I even forgot that the original name of this blog was fatass to marathoner. lol. I remember changing the name because A: it was embarrassing to say fatass when telling people about the blog and B: to Marathoner was deceptive as I felt like I would only ever do halves.
halfs.
halves
Whatever.
Thats when I realized, I've never really talked about the fact that I'm over that feeling. The feeling like I'll only ever complete a half. Well, I think I'm close enough to doing and far enough into training to admit that I'm going to try to complete the full in Kiawah. Its still weird and I still wonder and worry, but in reading back on old posts I felt the same way about the first half. That was just entirely scary, unrealistic and unbearably long.
I talked about how much I hurt after training, how incredible I thought it was to go 2 miles in the mornings and how worried I was about not making the distance.
Well...today its all the same feelings. Except instead of being scared of my 9 mile trainging, I'm scared of my 14 miler. Instead of being proud of doing the 2 miles every morning, I'm proud of the 4 milers. Instead of worrying about hitting the wall at 10 miles, I'm worried about the 20 mile mark.
And instead of dreaming about how cool it would be to understand t-shirts that say "At 20 miles, I thought I would die, at 24 miles I wanted to die, but at 26.2 I was too tough to kill" I'm thinking...Hmmm do they make that in my size?
Its like eating the same icecream sundae. The pain is the same, the training plans are the same and the deep down secret belief in my ability to finish is the same. So it is the doubt sauce that covers my confidence. No no, dont hear what I'm not saying, I'm not sure I'll do this. I don't laugh at your "i believe you have a less than five percent chance" like I did before the first triathlon, but I believe in the training plan in front of me. And I believe in the 90% of this race thats in my skull.
It almost makes me wonder. Does going farther mean the shorter distances are easier? Or that the pain is less? It doesnt seem like it. I walked one mile to work today and I'm a little stiff... I walked 4 miles on Saturday and felt the same. Am I stronger physically so that training hurts less, or just stronger mentally and can endure more pain?
We'll see.
December 6th in Charleston. If you see the 26.2 sticker on my car, you'll know. And so will I.
:)
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